Overall your piece was very well thought out and put together. You have a strong topic and argumentative point having a real focus on what your thoughts and the other authors relate to. The evidence used is very good and in some paragraphs I think can expanded on even more just to add more to your topic. One paragraph you had I saw contained some very good base information but no real evidence or connection linking back to the topic. With work on that the paragraph it should be a very strong point which in addition can connect with the authors writings as well. While still working on your conclusion I think by linking all your paragraphs back to your main topic will put it all together. Overall you have some very good pieces of information and flow of transitions making it a very good start to a paper.